When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive….  so, I took her to a gas station….. and  then the fight started….  > ************************************************************************   After retiring, I went to the Social  Security office  to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter  asked me for  my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets  and realized I had left my wallet at  home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would  have to go home and come  back later The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.  So I opened my  shirt revealing my curly silver hair.  She said, ‘That silver hair on  your chest is proof enough for me’  and she processed my Social  Security application.   When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.  She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too’ . And then the fight started….  > ******************************************************************************   My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high  school reunion, and I  kept staring at a drunken lady  swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’ ‘Yes,’ I sighed,  ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years  ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’  ‘My God!’ says my wife , ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’  And then the fight started…..  > ******************************************************************************    I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?  Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,  looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’ So, I looked down at him and said,  ‘Well, then which one are you?’  And then the fight started…..